Loco's Hamburger Adventure - as told by Loco

There I was, lying on the back seat of the golf cart, enjoying the smell of the hamburgers that my family was going to devour when we got home. I'd just finished licking my yucky parts - all of them. My nose was wet and slimy, and I really needed a bath.

Out of nowhere came two other golf carts - one parked right behind us and the other parked across the road. The people who got off the cart were drunk, and some were still carrying their bottles of beer. The driver was carrying a big bottle of water, but I think that might have been a decoy, because he walked a little funny.

One of the guys on the back of the cart spotted me and staggered over. He put out his hand, palm down, so I could check him out, and once he realized I was friendly, he patted me on the head. Then he leaned in and gave me a big wet kiss on the end of my nose. He told my mom that he had just lost his dog a couple of weeks ago and was feeling sad. Then he walked over to join the rest of his group in front of the hamburg stand.

My dad Miguel was sitting over there but when he saw all the people, he got up and offered them chairs. He quickly realized that they were drunk, but he engaged them in conversation and asked where they were from.

The driver from the other cart across the street came past me, and he reached out to pet me on the way by. Then the first guy came back and got up on the back of the cart to sit with me. He sort of sat on my tail and usually I would cry when that happens because my mom gives me sympathy, but I just let this guy sit on my tail and snuggle in with me.

He was stroking me and talking to my mom and telling her that he'd had to put his dog to sleep a couple of weeks ago, and it was so hard. While he was talking, a drunk woman from the group came over and started touching me too. Wow, I was getting lots of attention.

After 10 minutes or so our hamburgers were ready and we had to leave. The man leaned over and gave me another big wet kiss on my nose. Then the lady leaned in and asked me for a kiss, and so I reached up and licked all over her face, including her mouth since she didn't seem to mind. Then I reached back and chewed my tail. The lady laughed and said how funny it was that I had just given her a sloppy kiss and then I was chewing my tail. If she only knew what else I'd been chewing and licking before I gave her those kisses.

The woman was dressed in a low-cut halter dress, and I wanted to let her know how much I apprecated the view when she leaned over me. So I lifted my back leg to show her my stuff. She commented on my 'lipstick', and my mom was embarrassed and pushed my leg back down. But my dad was proud (he'd had a couple of beers earlier in the day so was a little less reserved) and asked me to show it again. So I kept lifting my leg and my mom kept pushing it back down. Everyone laughed and we said goodbye and drove home.

I hope they don't get sick today from all my kisses. I know people always blame the food when they come down with tourista, but they don't tell you how many dog's noses they kissed when they were out and about. It's NOT always the FOOD!!