Thursday, February 11, 2010

Airplane air

The other day I blogged about laughter and at the end I said that it had been a while since I laughed so hard I cried. Well, this morning I read this blog and I'm sorry, maybe I don't have class but the way it's written just cracked me up. As one who spent a good 10-plus years on a plane every week, I had my share of sitting in my seat and suddenly realizing that the air around me carried an unpleasant odor. Nobody in the near vicinity let on that they were the culprit - we all just continued with whatever we were doing but I'm sure that they, like me, were wondering if it came from the person sitting beside them - unless they actually did it, that is. I would shoot a sideways glance at the person sitting near me to see if they noticed it too, but I think to acknowledge it in any way would almost seem like a confession.

The only confession I ever heard was from the child sitting next to me one day. He let one rip as we started to get out of our seats to deboard, and his mother confronted him on it. He loudly admitted it was him, and giggled. And the surrounding passengers, who were all suffering from the odor, had to laugh too. Only a child could so innocently confess to such a thing; not even a cat lets on when it has passed gas. But a dog? They take it a step farther, they usually swing their head around and take a sniff at their back-end. With a dog there is never any doubt. Adults? We pretend it never happened, or we blame the dog.

Another cause of unpleasant odor on airplanes is people, usually men, who take off their shoes and then stick their feet up into the space between the seat in front of them. I would be quietly dozing with my head against the window when suddenly the smell of stinky feet would wake me up. Once I looked down and there was the foot almost on my armrest. I gave the foot an elbow but it continued to try to invade my space, so I finally put my purse into the gap to block access and odor. Men sitting in first class are the worst offenders.

And then we have the women who pollute the air with heavy perfume. It makes me feel sick when someone drenched in perfume sits near me - I'm allergic to perfume. I'm sure they think they smell great, but the only way I can tolerate them near me is to blow the vent at full force over my breathing space. Not to stereotype but it's usually woman with lots of little carry-on bags (often shopping bags) who have doused themselves.

The best smell on airplanes is in first class when they bake the chocolate chip cookies. I have been woken up from a dead sleep by the inviting smell of cookies, and even though I'm not hungry, you can bet I'm going to eat my cookie.

My days of first-class travel are over as I have lost any status I ever had on the airlines - status that gave me free upgrades and allowed me to enjoy comfy first-class seats, early boarding, and questionable meals. But that's ok - I'd rather have my feet on the ground than be up in the air confined in close quarters, breathing in the 'outputs' of strangers.


Life's a Beach! said...

Sue, my friends who are flight attendants do what they call crop-dusting. If they have gas, they walk the aisles to let it escape. So . . . it may not be the passenger next to you! HA!

I have some Alaska points that I've found impossible to use in the last year. The only way to use them is first class on American to Cancun. So one of us will probably be flying first class this July while the other sits back in coach. (I'm hoping the one getting the cookies will be me?)

Redneck Mommy said...

Sometimes one has to forgo class to get the laughs.

And really, is there a classy way to talk about tooting?

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's olfactory senses where offended at one point of time.


Sue said...

Beck - I never thought of the flight attendants, hmmm, guess that would be the best solution for them, lol! And American Airlines were the ones that served the cookies. Going east/west in the summer they also served hot fudge sundaes - such a nice treat on a plane. Enjoy!!

Tanis - thanks for visiting! I love your blog and no, writing about 'tooting' (gee, I didn't know other people still called it that, it's what I was raised to call it), probably isn't classy, but yeah - to me it's funny. Thanks for the belly laughs today, it was a great way to start the day. Hope you're feeling better!

Anonymous said...

ROFLMFAO!!! Thanks for my first LOL today!!!

Isla Chicqa